Monday, December 28, 2009

I guess I should explain.

It's been like 5 months since I updated and thats for a reason, I ran into some problems with co-workers, and customers who found out about the blog and became (justifiably) upset with me. I decided then to stop the blog and I've been back and forth about bringing it back, but I think it would be best if I just called it quits.

In the small town I live in it's not hard to figure out who I'm talking about no matter how hard I try to hide it, word of the blog spread like wildfire and people quickly realized I was talking (mostly trash) about them and it created a lot of anger towards me. I realized if I lived in a city and worked at a place where I was more a number than a person I could pull this off.

So, I'm sorry to anyone who enjoyed reading but in the end the risk outweighed the reward. I hope to continue to do writing of some kind. The current economy has forced me to look for a second job and when hired it will no doubt be the next focus of my blogging. But until then I continue to update my Twitter.

The end.

Monday, July 20, 2009

7/19/09 Wait...What?

I'm not gonna lie today was mostly a blur because of all the medication I was on. I got sick during my Saturday shift and when I got home my temp was 101. I hoped and prayed that i'd be better before my shift but it never happened. Now I could of called off and had somebody else work for me. But because I'm just like my Dad (a man who only takes off work for surgery), I worked anyway.

It started out super slow, which was bad for me cause I was falling asleep in the back room. Luckily it picked up and they had me running my ass off, which was fine until the dayquil wore off and my fever came back. At which point I started taking pretty pictures. But all in all it was a good night for me despite the sickness and I'm glad I worked it.

Totals: 27 delivers 86 bucks

7/18/09 Jeepers Creepers

This is gonna be short and to the point. We have a situation. A customer was looking at my butt. Not just any, a creeper. She has a long history of looking at delivery guy's butts. She lives in the high rise and when you leave if you don't hear her door close immediately it means shes staring at your ass. It never happened to me until today. I feel so dirty...

Totals: 23 deliveries 70 bucks

7/17/09 Stupid People

I started off my shift by busting out my new shirt I ordered, whoo:

Pretty sweet, even though I've never seen a Fox's outside of PA.

So I got started and I was chugging along, other delivery guy came in cause it was Friday and thats the only time we need 2 people delivering. We're doing alright when it came out of nowhere. We got hit with our first Friday rush in a long time. A Friday rush is when we should have more people working but somehow we make it out alive. At this point we're both taking around 5 deliveries per run. So in between one of my runs a lady sticks her head in the door and asks if she can eat her, I say yes and she brings her family in... Boy I was in for trouble.

We are not an eat in restaurant, we are take-out and delivery only. Apparently this girl didn't get that and is about as dense as space. She places her order and then asks me for a straw for her kid who looked about 4, I said we don't have any. So she says, well what about a cup? I say again, we don't have any. At this point she flips out saying things like "how can you not have straws and cups this is a restaurant!". Why in the hell would we have straws and cups if all we have is pop in a bottle? So finally she gives up and goes back to the table. I grab a bunch of deliveries and try to get out but her little hell spawn is running wild out front and I can't get around him.

I'm not a parent but I think at this point you should grab your kid, instead she just keeps asking politely for him to come back to the table, not even yelling! Finally I get pissed and just start walking and he moves out of my way without incident. Which is good cause I had all intentions of plowing over the little fucker. So it finally calmed down a little bit and we got close to my help leaving when we got a call from Wilcox (a town 5 miles away).

PCC is a plant there and they've ordered from time to time, usually it's with a big tip. So I took the delivery and got up there. The total was 18.99 the owner of the plant greeted me, handed me a 20 and said have a good one. I turned left and on my way out said I won't be back. What they fail to realize is them getting food is a privelege and for that tip I actually lost money because of the wasted time and gas. It's not worth it. The night went good after that till 9:10... That was our last phone call. We're open till 10:30, a lot of time was killed.

Totals: $100 on 29 deliveries

7/14/09 Inspection!

Last year I got my Serv-Safe certification. I spent the majority of the class wondering how I was ever going to need the internal cooking temperature of a pot roast. I guess it's nice to know cause it keeps me from killing everyone at home. But at a pizza shop it's pretty useless. Where it is effective is it gives you the knowledge you need to pass a health inspection. Now at the time I thought it was all common sense, but after Tuesday I guess my common sense is a little less common than most.

Our health inspection went fine, after me, my boss, and the other employees tore up the place fixing any violations we had. It's nothing major just nit picky shit the inspector busts us on to keep his job. EDITED CENSORED DELETED Of course all this made us look like champs when he walked in and seen our place. The write up was this: "Thermometer in Pepsi cooler needs replaced. Store was very clean."

Totals: I can't remember! Sorry!

Monday, July 13, 2009


Oh yea, here's an example of my parking from this weekend:

7/11 - 7/12 Explanation

Nothing exciting during the weekend outside of the festival so it gives me a chance to further explain our old school way of doing things here at Fox's.

We usually only have one delivery person per shift. It sounds crazy but I average about 20 per shift. And I can take a lot in little time since it's a small town. That's why you see me complaining about anything under 20 deliveries... Let's face it, I'm spoiled rotten. Sometimes this can backfire though, I've once taken 13 deliveries in one run.

The key to being a one man pizza army is very simple. Location, location location. Seriously, knowing every address in town is essential to survive. I need to look at my slips and figure out which house is closest and go from there. I think it's why I love to deliver so much. It's an adventure every time I come in. Like I said though we are old school. No managers, no computers, no gps, just a few guys who know there shit and understand what needs to be done and how to do it right.

Going back to mass deliveries, vehicle choice is essential around here. First off it gets snowy as fuck in the winter so 4-wheel drive is essential. And you need something you can fit a lot of stuff in. I've found 3 vehicles that suit that purpose and I call my perfect delivery vehicles:

  • Jeep Grand Cherokee: Transmission problems will hurt your wallet but you can't deny it's 4-wheel abilities or it's space. My boss has one.

  • Ford Escape: A former co-worker has one, and if it can deliver mail on rural route it can deliver pie.

  • Chevy Blazer: Of course I include my ride! It kicks ass! It's nickled and dimed me, but never broke down and I've got 110,000 miles on it.

Thats all I got to rant about for now, maybe i'll think up some more stuff for later.

Totals: Saturday - 0! I was a cook!
Sunday: 31 off 11 deliveries

Sunday, July 12, 2009

7/10/09 Festi-Hell

Every year during July the Catholic church has a festival to raise money for the church. Thats great and all, but it gets in my way and causes unnecessary amounts of stress. The problem is the church is on the same street as the shop. It's a different block, but everyone parks on our block so I have no place to park. Every year I get stuck working during the festival, last year I got out of it cause I went to a Pirates game.

Now if we had reserved parking there wouldn't be a problem, but the borough refuses to allow it cause "parking is limited as it is". So I'm stuck. It's become more of a challenge to me, as I basically spend the weekend spitting in the face of traffic laws. Parking everywhere from the corner of the street, to next to other worker's cars in the middle of the road, parking in no parking zones, and the coup de grace, parking on the sidewalk.

Now the other problem during this "hell weekend" as I call it, is people apparently feel extra holy after leaving and walk right out in front of traffic without a second thought. That and children. Kids just love to fuck with me during this weekend. I should keep a blood pressure monitor on during a festival shift to show how angry I get. I seriously wanna kill during this weekend. So after all that mayhem, I still have a job to do! Once I get away from Market St. It's smooth sailing since half of town is standing on the next block.

Totals: 31 deliveries for 97 bucks.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

7/7/09 Fast Times At Fox's

The night started with my boss explaining to a co-worker what a mustache ride was, and that was just the beginning!

  • An older couple placed an order for 5:00, they called at 4:50 to cancel the order... Of course the pizza was on it's way through the oven, and we're not about to take a loss on a pizza. So they got there pizza but it was a sticky situation trying to explain why they had to pay for it.
  • I delivered to a guy who looked, acted, and came out of his house in a cloud of weed just like Jeff Spicoli.
  • The high-rise elevator had a "Obama for president" sticker in it... about a year to late for that. But it's nice to see someone around here supporting him. Unlike all those people and their tea parties... *cough* Bush spent more *cough*.
  • A cook caught 2 kids stealing pop, they've been doing it for awhile we just haven't had proof. That will change when we get security cameras... I know, your wondering "why are you just NOW getting cameras?" We're a small town and until recently we could trust the populace. Anyway the kids we're busted yelled at and let go, but the boss said to chop their hands off. I'll leave that for him to take care of.
  • A couple of workers have been hanging out together lately which is causing a storm of rumors. Everything from dating, to marriage is being thrown around. Happens every time. I remember when I was supposedly leaving my fiancee for a co-worker, of course that stopped when my fiancee got hired here.
  • I love when people don't realize the money they waste getting a 12" pizza on Tuesdays. Our 14" and 16" pizzas are $8.00 with one topping plus tax on Tuesday ($8.48). A 12" pie is $9.01 with one topping and that's with tax. But people still insist on getting the smaller pizza for more. It's only the most amazing special I've ever seen and people take it for granted.
  • Also, if you haven't realized already we don't have a manager, my boss is the owner of this franchise. When he's not around small decisions are made by seniority, anything else we call him to take care of.
  • After a short discussion, we decided to move the pop cases to a more visible location. They have to be out front because we have no room in the back. The new location should cut down on the thievery.
Anywho, totals: 25 deliveries for 65 bucks

7/5/09 Pictures

Nothing to report from the delivery front, so I figure i'll share some pics today.

This is our sign, it's old but it gets the job done.

Like I said, I hate trains.

I live in a pretty scuzzy town, but there is some good. It's nice that the borough is finally trying to clean it up.

I ship all my packages on a B.R.E.S.T.

So, we had an employee who had a similar condition as the kid from Superbad... Yeah. Not kidding, she drew penises on everything.

Monday, July 6, 2009

7/3/09 Thanks for all the fish.

Another Friday of delivering fish and another day spent in the rain. I'm getting pretty sick of this, I made a comment to my boss that it's the Pennsylvania monsoon season: it rains till it snows. This is true this year, no droughts over here! We've got rain to spare! Ship some to California, they always got forest fires.

I always feel its necessary to remind people that there is a holiday coming up by wishing them a happy holiday, whatever that holiday may be. It's not required of me but I've been doing it since my first Christmas at Fox's. It just adds more personality to my deliveries and I don't feel like a robot on a script. It didn't work today but sometimes when doing that I can actually get a few more bucks in tips from people who think that was nice of me. It's rare but it has happened.

I have a major problem when I deliver though. It's something that I've been doing since the beginning, by the end of the night my money bag looks like a rats nest. I never stop to organize my money. My boss is constantly telling me that some night I'm gonna get burned cause I'm gonna hand back a $50 instead of a $5 just cause I can't see in my bag. But it hasn't happened. Unfortunately I seem to only learn through failure, so it will be at that point I start to keep my bag organized.

Another problem, not mine, is that on Fridays we have a lot more customers who pick up than usual. So there is usually someone standing out front. The problem is that we have a... Very laid back atmosphere here, and swear words tend to fly quite often, even from the boss. You can see where this is going. It's normally not a problem, but some of the older people tend to get offended. But who can they complain to when the man in charge is the one doing it? Perks of being an independent franchise. It does create a down home environment and we welcome customers to join in to our conversations and a chosen few are even welcomed to the back room to hang out with us. Another reason I love Fridays.

The more I write about the shop I work at the more I realize it's a lot different than the average pizza place. My boss started out as just an employee for a boss who was basically a dick. But he worked his way up and finally bought the place. From day one he decided to have fun and be the good guy boss, and it's amazing how loyal we all are to the shop and to him because of this. It's pretty much why I've been there for over 4 years. He's the only boss I know of that would take you out for your 21st birthday!

Totals: 25 deliveries $64

P.S. I'd like to apologize to anyone who is an English major for the cluster fuck that is my blog. I slept through English class... Sorry.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

7/2/09 Construction

I had a very unique delivery today, of course this unique delivery has been going on since they started building that damn bypass. Anyway, it's to construction workers. I've never met a more chaotic, out of order, socially awkward, group like the people building the bypass here.

It never fails I take a delivery to them and I get the same few things:

  1. The person who ordered just got sent in a forklift, that tops of at 5mph, to the other side of town.
  2. The person who ordered is operating a jack hammer and can't hear me calling.
  3. The person who ordered did not give a number and is AWOL.
  4. The foreman thinks he knows where random dude is so I go with him in his truck only to find out it was a guy in a forklift on the other side of town.
  5. I find the person, say my hellos, and get "mmmmpphhhmppphhhp" (random mumbling).
  6. Or I get a dick head who says nothing!
  7. I find the person and he talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and dosen't tip.
  8. They pre-pay for their food but want me to deliver it to them, he says "just throw the stuff in the white bucket in the back of my truck" and when I go out there I notice that ten trucks in a row have white buckets in them...
  9. While going to the site I run over a screw.
  10. I get crazy ass directions involving train tracks and dirt roads.
That about sums it up. Totals 6 deliveries 20 bucks

6/30/09 Free Time

Slow nights kill me, even more so when I need money (stupid car payment, why can't it pay itself?) So I usually have to look busy in some way, cause all of us sitting around doesn't sell pizza. So I filled the pop coolers, made pizza boxes, twiddled my thumbs, updated Twitter....... Tweeted some more, etc.

That all took about two hours out of my six hour night. I needed something to do so I got out the mean green and stainless steel cleaner and went to town cleaning Fox's! I got the front of the fryers shined up and then got all the steel tables cleaned. Then I moved to the prep table, I scrubbed it down and blasted it with cleaner. Finally I got all of the tables, freezers, fryers, sinks, etc cleaned and I had only wasted another two hours.

So on one of my last deliveries I snapped a picture that I thought looked cool, since I had the time:

Totals: 16 deliveries for 43 bucks

6/28/09 Rainy Day Pie Guy # 12 & 35

Gotta love the Dylan reference in that title... Anyway I'm skipping Saturday cause it sucked.

As you can see, Sunday was a rainy day for me. I hate rain and the only reason I deliver in it is because I'm getting paid to be out there. Of course with worse conditions comes some good. People tend to tip more in worse conditions... Well for the most part, I still get stiffed and that makes me hate you twice as much as usual due to my hatred of being moist. And of course being that I live in the boondocks I get to spend some time playing in the mud on off-road deliveries.

Sundays are weird because I usually run my ass off while I watch the cooks sit and do nothing. Because for some odd reason like 93% of our orders that day are deliveries, so I get to run around while they take one or two orders here or there. But that is also why I have a lock down on Sundays and I work all of them.

Gas prices are going up which make me thankful for delivery charges. I've been putting this off but I need to bitch about people who think the delivery charge is my tip... IT'S NOT ASSHOLE! The delivery charge, in theory, should be going straight to my gas tank so I don't have to use my tips to fill up. Of course this gives all the cheap people all the more reason to bitch. I've got it all from customers:

  • "Does your boss take this or do you get it" -No my boss just takes from me whatever he wants, how do you think he can afford to go to the casino?
  • "I don't have to tip you now right" -Not unless you want me to wish you to death.
  • "Gas went down, no more charge?" -Gas went down $.05 and then went up $.20 and then down another $.05, of course were getting rid of it.
  • "(random shop) dosen't have a charge" - It's there, it's why a large pie costs $2.00 more than it does here.
  • "I was gonna tip you but you already get a dollar" -That was uncalled for, now I will NOT tell you to have a good night.
As you can see I would never do anything to the customers that don't tip, I'd love to, but I won't. I do passive aggressive things like not thank them or I don't tell them to have a good night... I'm a nerd.

Totals: 21 deliveries(although 21 is up in the air due to the slip missing) $65 tips

Sunday, June 28, 2009

6/26/09 Flat Tire = Big Money

Back to my 12 hour Friday for one week. Morning guy got a flat tire and couldn't work. Pretty slow in the morning but business picked up at dinner time. Whole lotta random, just like every Friday:

  • Empty cheese boxs make great delivery boxs when you have too much stuff for a bag, and you work at a shop that dosen't have big order carriers.
  • I hate trains... Period. Especially when there is no way around them.
  • I almost had a situation with ducks. Last year my fiancee got bit by a duck, so I fear them now. Anyway a "gaggle" I guess the little bastards are called, was in the drive way I delivered to and they weren't gonna move for me. I tried to walk up to them and one of them quacked. I said fuck this and went through the yard.
  • I hate trains.
  • Old people love fish, and they will get violent over it.
  • Our Shop Vac died, I gave it a memorial:

That about sums up the night totals: 48 deliveries 135 bucks

Friday, June 26, 2009

6/25/09 Short

I give up trying to come up with stuff to write about my 4 hour Thursday morning shift. All I got is that I hate when people talk too fast on the phone and I can't write their order down... Not much entertainment in that.

So instead I'll treat you to a story from my past at Fox's. It's the story of the time I almost quit because I seen the most disgusting thing I've ever laid eyes upon.

It was a Monday night, I was in full swing delivery wise. And then I got an order to a house I'd never been to before, I didn't think anything of it. I got to the house, it was a normal house albeit a little shitty. I walked up to the door hit the bell and waited. After a few seconds a voice from upstairs bellowed "just a minute", so I waited. I heard movement, faint at first but growing louder in a cadence of slow, uneven movement.

Suddenly a figure appeared at the top of the stairs. It was gigantic. I then realized it was a woman. She was probably around 60 and weighed about 400lbs. It was at this point I realized something was horribly wrong... And that was that that she was in nothing more than her bra and underwear...

Sometimes the phrase "I just threw up in my mouth" is overused, but literally vomit was in my mouth and then it seen her, said "fuck this" and went back to my stomach. I went back to Fox's and told my boss that I may be putting my two weeks in because I couldn't handle what I had seen. But in the end I stayed. Oh yea back to Thursday:

Totals: 9 deliveries 30 bucks

Delivery Mix

I figured I'd try something on here, I'm gonna post the play list of one of my favorite mix's I use for delivering. This is a cool mix cause it's not just a bunch of songs, when put together It helps create a mood. I like to listen to it at night when I'm driving alone, which is why it's the Late Night Driving Mix.

1. The Eels - Novocaine For The Soul
2. Fastball - Out of my Head
3. The Bravery - Intro/Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest (I put the songs together)
4. Shiny Toy Guns - Major Tom (Coming Home)
5. OK GO - 1000 Miles Per Hour
6. The Gorillaz - Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey's Head
7. Muse - Shrinking Universe
8. Cake - Friend Is A Four Letter Word
9. Incubus - Warning
10. The Killers - All These Things I Have Done
11. The Beatles - Happiness Is A Warm Gun*
12. Interpol - Last Exit
13. The Flaming Lips - The W.A.N.D.
14. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers - My Friends
16. Donovan - Hurdy Gurdy Man*
17. Modest Mouse - Satin In A Coffin
18. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
19. Teddybears feat Iggy Pop - Punkrocker
20. The Eels - Last Stop, This Town

*Hidden Tracks (tracks inserted after song but on same track)
11. Tool - Die Eier Von Satan
16. Chiodos - Prelude

Obviously I used audio editing software to customize this mix (I use Adobe Audition), so to truly create the same mix just follow what I have up there and bingo! I love this mix because it's calm but creepy all at the same time, which is usually how I feel when driving around at night.

I'd like to make this a regular thing cause I love music and it's always been a huge part of my delivering. So expect more mix's in the future.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

6/23/09 Clunker

If I were a quarterback, id be at a press conference telling everyone I was off my game today. And I promise to step it up next game. Well i'm not but I still stunk it up with rookie mistakes and other bullshit! Here's some of the things I did wrong:

  • I was consistently not paying attention and several times drove by my deliveries. I HATE DOING THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING!
  • I don't look at my slips when I deliver because I have all the addresses memorized, don't be amazed its pretty easy in a small town. Anyway so I look before I leave and that's it. This usually isn't a problem but it was tonight. I got to a fork in the road and my mind went blank... Of course I turned the wrong way. As soon as I did the address popped into my head.
  • I forgot to get gas before my shift so I had to break one of my cardinal rules, no gassing up on the job.
  • I couldn't focus on delivering cause my mind was elsewhere
That last one is why all that happened, I've got a lot going on in my life. I'm not getting into it on here, another rule don't mix pizza and life, but it lead me to a realization. I need a stress reliever, something to get away from life. And that thing is Golf. I've always wanted to play and I think I'm gonna ask my uncle to teach me. Today was pretty random:

  • I decided I will before I leave take a delivery on horseback. I've also said this about Segways and monster trucks.
  • I had a lot of things annoy me today, I yelled in my car quite a bit.
  • I was a cook for my 11-1 shift, I like it but I always get a reality check when I think I can do both with equal skill. I suck at cutting hoagie buns.
Totals: 23 deliveries 61 bucks

6/22/09 Jinglers

First off, after reading Pizza Girl's tweets and the blogs the other day I gotta say I wanna meet her boss and tell him about a very novel concept. Up here when it comes to dishes we have a simple solution: you dirty it, you wash it. EVERYONE washes dishes, it's not just a specific job for delivery people. Of course we have only a couple workers per shift and the delivery people and cooks usually help each other out, so it's expected of me.

Tonight started weird. I walked in at 2 so my boss could leave to go to the casino (whoo cooking hours). And he says "Jinglers are down, gonna be a slow night". Translation: No phones = no orders. If we were a sit down restaurant this would be no problem. Instead we're a takeout/delivery business... So we were screwed. Finally an hour and a half later the phones were back up and we chugged along for a pretty busy night.

I figure i'll reveal one of my favorite tip getting techniques to anyone who was badly trained, cause every delivery person should do this. When your at a house, say the order comes to 14.56, and you get handed a $20. You should give a $5 and the change back, but that screws you out of a potential tip. Instead give 5 ones and then fumble around for loose change, in the hopes that random joe customer gets impatient and gives you at least the change. It's worked for me very well over the last 4 years, speaking of which Monday is my 4th year anniversary of working at Fox's!

Totals: 22 deliveries 65 bucks

Monday, June 22, 2009

6/21/09 Sometimes They Write Themselves

Off I go on my second delivery of the night. I get to the house, say my hellos, hand off the pie (in this case a big daddy and a dozen hot wings), and ask for 21.98. To which I get handed a $100 bill. Now if I had been given warning that Benjamin Franklin was going to be busted out I would have had change, but no, I'm expected to figure this out myself.

In my four years of delivering I've realized one thing about these type of people: They believe my bag has magical powers capable of breaking any bill at any time. Sorry David Copperfield, if only it worked that way. Instead I start out with $20 in change and go from there. Of course now I've lost my tip, because I can't conjure up $75. The more I think about it the more I realize they're the same people who think the internet is a series of tubes.

I love delivering, I do. But stupid people piss me off. That's going to be a recurring theme in this blog.

My first delivering this night was very special though. My dad is very easy to please, he loves food and not much else besides the Steelers and Deadliest Catch. When I came in at 3 I got started making his two favorite Fox's foods. A medium thin and crispy pizza with sausage, and a dozen butter garlic wings. He had no clue I was coming and it was definatly my favorite Father's Day present i've ever gotten him!

Anyway, I also got a chance to show off my food safety skills today. We cook our wings in a deep fryer for 15 minutes, which is actually overcooking but it covers our asses. Of course the key is to remember when you put the wings in, which I never do. To fix this I got a thermometer so I can read the internal cooking temp of the wings. Poultry is considered safe once it's internal temp is kept at 165 F for at least 15 seconds. So knowing this I was checkin' chicken all day and not worrying about the clock. I figured for all the money my boss paid to get me that certification, this is the least I can do in return.

Ok, Final totals: 17 deliveries 41 bucks

Happy Father's Day!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

6/20/09 Boring Night

I don't even know if this night is worth writing about, but here goes. We work in a pretty casual environment, so slow nights are not that bad because we usually have interesting chats. None of which I can talk about, but it's a good time.

Anyway one thing I do love about delivering on slow nights is when I get a long distance delivery. I love being able to just cruise and take my time on the way back when I know there is nothing waiting for me back at the shop.

Finals: 13 for 33 bucks.

6/19/09 Fishy Friday

First off let me just say that Friday is usually my most stressful day. Not because of the deliveries, no it's the annoying people that come pick up there food and say stupid shit. Perfect example: A lady orders two fish frys, lets call her random moron #612. Now moron 612 comes in to get her fish and when no one can wait on her because we're busy she gets all pissy and announces "Will someone just give me my fish since it's just sitting there getting cold!" So I grabbed it took it to her and said have a good night. To which she replied "I won't with my cold fish". Now unbenkownst to her my boss's mom was behind her and she wasn't going to let her get away. Lets just say the smack was laid down!

It was a pretty slow Friday but it had it's fair share of unique moments. I had a couple of firsts actually!

  • I delivered to a guy who was using his wife's purse to get money. When he didn't have any small bills he knew he had ones in his pocket. So he hands me the purse gets a couple bucks out of his pants, says goodnight, and goes in his house leaving me with his wife's purse. About 1.5 seconds later he came running back out and got the purse. I said "That would of been one hell of a tip!" and went on my way.
  • I delivered to my first registered sex offender tonight. He told me to tell whoever took his order "hi" which creeped me right out.
I ended up with 90 bucks on 36 deliveries, not a good night at all. A lot of deliveries with nothing in return.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Boring Night 6/16/09

Nothing much happened tonight. Just a normal night of delivery, sigh. I gotta tell my customers to step it up on doing weird shit worth blogging. A couple of notes though:

  • It annoys me when people buy food for there pets, not because they bought food for there pet but because there going to feed them a greasy hamburger.
  • A man came in who looked just like Bum Phillips.
  • Speaking of look-a-likes, we have a regular who acts, talks, and looks like Yosemite Sam!
  • Forgetting peoples pop is not a rookie mistake, I've made a career of it.
  • Delivering to people who are painting in a poorly ventilated room results in a $5 tip.
Now a couple of picture daily doubles:

1. I need to hurry up and make it to the 21st century and get an I-Pod... Oh wait I have a short and my lighter adapters don't work NEVERMIND! Back to the stone ages I go, haha.

2. I freakin' hate steps.

Monday, June 15, 2009

6/14/09 Mr. Fox's

I no longer wish to be referred to as a delivery boy. No, after today I am "Mr. Fox's".

So earlier in the week the head of the recreational soccer league called about getting pizzas for the weekend, they've done it before so we knew what to expect. It was the usual 2 Big Daddys every 2 hours until the end of the games. What made this year interesting was the quotation above.

As I dropped off the first shipment and headed back to my buggy, a lady came out of the concession stand and said the following "Hey! Hey you! Hey... Mr. Fox's! We need napkins the next time you come up!" Take THAT Jim Fox, I'M Mr. Fox now. Ok, not really. I got them there napkins (AKA free advertising) on the next load of pie and was disappointed to find out I was just a delivery boy again... Woe is me.

Back at the shop we had a strange moment today. A woman came in and it was pretty obvious she was somewhere between shitfaced and bombed up. She stumbled in a yells "give me a big one" referring to our 21 slice sheet style pizza the Big Daddy. We took her order and then she went outside and walked about 2 feet into a tree. Now when you go out the front door it's not like you walk into a forest, theirs one tree on the block and she hit it. So then her friend comes in to tell us that shes very tired and needs to get some sleep... Riiiiight.

Final tally: 16 deliveries 48 bucks

P.S. When comparing my tips to Pizza Girl's it's pretty obvious that our gender has a lot to do with the amount of tips. I mean you can argue that it's middle of PA versus a city in Texas. But i'm just saying she makes more than me on less deliveries. It's a theory i've stuck by for years and this is just further proving my point... That point being that most guys are stupid horny pigs.

Friday, June 12, 2009

6/12/09 Penguin Pie

Just finished my new and improved Friday, as in it's about 3 hours shorter. The boss decided we didn't need 2 guys on Friday mornings anymore, which is true. Anyway on to the night.

It started off with an hour and a half of zero deliveries. So I read Pizza Today magazine because I have never heard of Papa Murphy's, and now I wanna find one. So then I got my first one to a guy I refer to as 2 chicken fingers Larry because all he orders is 2 bags of chicken fingers. Got that done and then the rookie Jacob, the other delivery guy on Fridays, came in.

He's kinda like Hermey the elf that wanted to be a dentist in Rudolph in that he got hired to deliver but he prefers to cook. Which is fine by me cause I love to make money and he's willing to give me all the deliveries! So we get going, around 5 I send an update to twitter while traveling to a delivery saying that when the Pens/Red Wings play game 7 at 8, all hell is gonna break loose... And it did.

It wasn't horrible but it just happened, it all hit at once. Of course Friday has it's fair share of entertainment in the way of customers. We sell fish frys every week which brings in the old people by the ton. Nothing in life is more frustrating than a hard of hearing old lady who swears her fish, that literaly just came out of the deep fryer, is cold. Or when you deliver to a little old man who is sleeping on his porch and you get that quick thought in your head: "Is he dead?".

After all the geriatric get there food, then come the white trash. Wait, there's always white trash I live in PA... Johnsonburg has it's own unique group of people though. they live in a shack outside of town and if you've ever seen Wrong Turn they look like the people in that movie. Always an interesting delivery going there. All in all a good night though that capped off with another champion in Pittsburgh! Final tally 33 deliveries, $102 in tips.

Off till Sunday, tomorrow is my one Saturday off for the month which= massive drunkeness.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

6/11/09 Short Shift

I hate Thursdays, for the work I do and the tips I get... Most definitely not worth my time. It starts at 10:00 A.M. when I roll in and make sure the Fox's commissary guy dropped off the right stuff. Then I realize the safe is unlocked and I remember that com guy has sticky fingers. Luckily all is well this week.

I get the cheese cases, shells, sauce, toppings, and boxs put away. And since we ran out of dough balls, i pull out a few cases to thaw so hopefully we have enough to get through the weekend. So I finish that and then the counter people come in to open up the shop while I lay on the floor and hope my back feels better.

I ended up with 6 deliveries in 4 hours with a grand total of: ...10 bucks... It got the fiancee some Chinese food, I settled for a pizza hoagie and a bag of fries. I get to head back down after they close for the night to clean fryers, and then tomorrow is my 9 hour marathon delivery day.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Day Off

It's my day off, so no updates from the road. But here's my favorite pic from all my years of delivering:

By the way, that is not my handwriting. My fiancee works with me and adds my slips up while I sweep, mop, etc. That is for real though.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Piece Of Shit Car. (The Love Of My Life)

I have a love/hate relationship with my vehicle. Most of the time I bitch about how it nickles and dimes me to death, but if I'm away from it for more than a day I feel lost, and kinda depressed. It's odd but buying this car was the best and worst move of my life.

Well for one I got screwed buying the damn thing, I'd love to go back in time and slap myself for being young and naive and getting stepped on by a dealer. But after all I got for free because of the warranty I guess it evened out. What I love is how it greatly improved my ability to ship pie.

I had a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am GT, great in the summer... Not all that great in the winter... Ok, it was horrible. I'll save how I got rid of that car for another story time. Anyway I got my new car and it made winter delivery problems a thing of the past, and mudding a new possibility!

Ahhh, my 2001 Chevy Blazer. Sadly the only pic I have handy is that. Now I wanna go for a ride.

P.S. While i'm posting pics, here are my children that I take care of once a week:

One Of Those Nights 6/9/09

First off, this idea took off quick haha. Thanks for the shout out Pizza Girl. I'll make an attempt to at least equal the entertainment value of your blog.

Now on to night one of this social experiment.

Wow! What a night to start posting about my deliveries! 29 deliveries and including delivery charges ($1.00 per delivery) I cashed out a sweet $106! Every once in a while I get a night where I feel like people are paying me to leave them alone with all the money they're tossing at me. Average for the night (Tips - Delivery Charges / Deliveries) comes to around 2.66 per delivery. Not too shabby!

Now, time for a little Pennsyltucky language lesson: Boogin

A boogin is, for lack of a better term: a complete moron, asshole, or just someone that dosen't bathe. It's the local language for cheap, lazy, smelly people.

So right off the bat my boss hits me with his trademark humor, one of our favorite boogins ordered before my shift so he took the order and wrote my last name on it and said "the wife ordered". Of course when I looked at the address I realized he was full of shit and on top of that I wasn't going to get a tip... Double wammy.

But after that it was all uphill, and then the penguins played and all hell broke loose. Thats the most basic description of my 7:00-9:30 deliveries, the rest is a blur. The only downfall of the night was the construction on one of the out of town roads we deliver to, I'm just gonna hope everyone out there picks up. But anyone who delivers knows how that works out. I was gonna stay after we closed to do some more cleaning before the inspector comes, but I'm too tired, maybe Thursday when I go to clean the fryers.

Well this has been fun, I hope to eventually work in a format like Pizza Girl's but I don't want it to be a rip-off so i'll see what I can come up with... Now back to working on my Wedding DJ business plan.


You wanna know what really sucks about pizza delivery?


The Non-Disgruntled Delivery Driver

So I was on Twitter this morning and seen a link posted by Pizza Today magazine:

and decided to create my own blog about delivery. The only difference is I actually like my job, for some odd reason, and want to give people an inside look at the delivery process in a small town.

So I'm delivering for a Fox's Pizza Den in Johnsonburg, PA. A little town most people have never heard of. It's a good job but what makes me like it is the atmosphere. It's a small town I deliver to the same people constantly, for example I recently got engaged and spent all day/night Friday getting congratulations from all the customers.

It still sucks at times. People will be assholes, My personal favorite is when I'm asked if the pizza is cold. It gets on my nerves but when I think I could be working in a factory or flipping burgers it brings me back to reality. I don't wear a uniform or have a big sign on my car. All I have is a shirt, that usually says "Have you had a good piece lately?" on it.

I'll have worked at Fox's for 4 years as of June 28th. I deliver, cook, clean deep fryers, answer phones, place commisary orders when needed, use my Serv-Safe certification to insure that we pass inspection, and do just about anything for money. Being in a small town is nice being that 9 times out of 10 theres only one delivery person so if I don't refer to another driver I was alone.

I think every time I work i'll update this blog with a posting about my night, or day. So stay tuned for future updates!